When Your Body Feels Like It Failed

By Carly

At the second ultrasound, I had to deliver news that would break an intended father’s heart.

The girl embryo had stopped growing. His dream of having both a son and daughter was cut in half.

As a surrogate, that moment taught me something I never expected. The deepest pain often creates the strongest foundation for helping others.

The Weight of Carrying Someone Else’s Dreams

When you’re carrying twins for someone else, you feel the weight of their hopes with every heartbeat. Both embryos had taken perfectly after transfer. We were all over the moon.

Then reality hit.

Vanishing twin syndrome affects up to 36% of IVF pregnancies involving multiples. But knowing the statistics doesn’t soften the emotional blow when it happens to you.

I knew I had done everything possible to stay healthy for their babies. Perfect nutrition, every prenatal vitamin, complete rest when needed. Yet my body felt like it had failed him.

That feeling stays with you. It changes how you understand what surrogates really go through.

Building Community From Shared Understanding

After completing multiple surrogate pregnancies, I realized something crucial was missing. New surrogates needed more than medical guidance.

They needed people who completely understood their heart and drive for the surrogacy process.

That’s why I created our Facebook support group. It brings together surrogates at every stage: women just starting their journey, others going through the exact same steps, and veterans who’ve been there before.

We call it a journey for a reason. There are ups and downs, and during the down moments, you find the most comfort reaching out to people who truly get it.

Sometimes it’s the simplest thing. Someone just needs to vent, and everyone is always there.

When Experience Becomes Expertise

Going through that twin loss fundamentally changed how I guide surrogates facing unexpected challenges. I understand the specific type of heartbreak that comes with feeling like you’ve let intended parents down.

Your logical mind knows you did everything right. Your heart still carries the weight of their disappointment.

This emotional complexity is exactly why surrogate support has become so critical. The importance surrogates place on intended parent support jumped from 46% in 2020 to 75% in 2023.

Women need coordinators who understand both the medical process and the emotional journey.

The Natural Evolution

My transition from surrogate to coordinator wasn’t planned. It happened organically as more women reached out for guidance during their matching process.

I found myself helping them navigate not just the logistics, but the emotional preparation for what lay ahead. The questions that keep you up at night. The fears you can’t voice to intended parents. The moments when you need someone who’s walked this path.

This career progression is becoming increasingly common. Former surrogates are naturally transitioning into coordinator roles, continuing to be an integral part of helping people build their families.

We bring something unique to the table: lived experience of every emotion, every milestone, every potential challenge.

The Ripple Effect of Understanding

When I work with new surrogates now, I see myself in their concerns. The woman worried about bonding too much with the baby. The first-timer anxious about the intended parents’ expectations. The experienced surrogate facing an unexpected complication.

Each conversation reminds me why this work matters.

Building trust between surrogates and intended parents requires someone who understands both perspectives. Someone who’s felt the weight of carrying another family’s dreams and knows how to navigate the complex emotions that come with it.

The most rewarding part isn’t just successful matches. It’s watching women find their confidence, knowing they have support every step of the way.

That Facebook group I started has become something bigger than I imagined. It’s proof that the surrogacy community creates natural pathways for experienced surrogates to guide newcomers.

We’re not just sharing advice. We’re sharing the deep understanding that can only come from walking this journey yourself.

Sometimes your hardest moments become your greatest qualifications for helping others. That twin loss taught me more about supporting surrogates than any training program ever could.

Because when your body feels like it failed, you need someone who knows exactly what that means.